New Kid (yeah right!!!!) on the Blog

New Kid (yeah right!!!!) on the Blog

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Depression? Who ME?

I don't think that what I have would be considered "depression" in the clinical sense. I just seem to have an acute case of the blahs! I go through this every Feb and March. It's one of those periods whereas I don't want to get out to "be sociable", or even fool with any of my hobbies. I just seem to want to just burrow up in my man-cave.
I'd say that it is a combination of lack of sunshine and too damned cold to get out and do anything.
I've been this way for about 3 weeks, so I pretty much ruled out the side effects of Chantix ( couple of about 1,000 possible side effects is depression and suicide), or grumpyness from cutting back on cigarettes.
I have been able to go from about 30 cigarettes a day ( as of last weekend) down to 5 today. This Chantix stuff does work great for me, with no side effects. I'm just using them once daily instead of twice.
I was able to quit smoking for the first time ever last year (for about 6 months), but, had something really upset me, and I "lit up" to calm me down. It's like an alcoholic just taking one drink to "take the edge off".
The sad thing was that I was really proud of my accomplishment and was able to actually quit after about a month.
Also, I chipped in $25 per week as my "smoking fine" and ended up with $1300 to use toward the cabin expenses. Effective this week....the fine is $35 per week. This will continue on after I quit, to use as a reward to myself.
I have been credited with many flaws, but one of my worst is being "damned bullheaded" as my Mom used to say. Others just say I'm "pretty stubborn". Well, hopefully this will work in my favor again like it did last year!
I guess I need to "head up into the Mountains" to visit my ole friends, play a little poker, swap lies, and drink a little bit!
Hell....I'm feeling better already just getting this off my chest!


  1. You know, Dave, I'm pretty darned proud of your accomplishments in your efforts to quit smoking.

    Those self-imposed "fines" are a great idea; I wonder if they might be a bit more impactful if, instead of socking the bucks away into a savings account you can use later, you donated it to a cause or charity in which you believe...just a thought. Anyway, each time you quit, you're getting closer to that time when you'll be ready to kick nicotine out of your life forever. Try not to be too tough on yourself, okay?

    You've struck me as a pretty outgoing guy ever since I started visiting your blog; when it's wicked cold out, it's hard to get motivated to do much, and that could really get a person down. Your plans to get together with your friends sounds like a really good one; I hope you'll follow through with it and have a great time!

    Try to keep reminding yourself that every day brings us closer to spring and warmer, sunnier weather and hang in there!

    *hugs Dave bigly*

  2. Playing cards an swappin lies sounds like good fun. We all need to get out of the winter funk.

  3. You remind me of my youngest in that he also gets sown during these months with the same results.

    Spring is a comin' though and we have to get thru it. I feel pretty blah myself. BTW, you smoked the way I used to smoke..about 30 a day. You will do it and keep it done, I feel certain.

  4. Marge: Thanks for the comments. I'll be OK...just had a little "OH,pity me party!"
    As an old girlfriend used to say, " Enough of the Oh Woe Is Me Crap, It's time to pull up the big girl panties and get on with life!" BTW: Sorry to say this (not really...sorry to say it, that is), but my favorite charity is ME!

    Tootie: If I'm able, this weekend I am going to force myself to "get out and be a social butterfly.

    Carol: So your youngest gets sown during these months...If that happened to me, I probably wouldn't be so glum!

  5. Seasonally Affective Disorder IS a real thing, and if this is annual, I'd guess you have a case. One common attribute of depression is to attribute the feeling to something - Chantix is not likely the cause if you have it every year. One of my brothers had a marked improvement when he installed one of those bright 'daylight' lamps in his bedroom. I am an expert on depression, believe me, because it runs in my family - not least in me. In winter I let myself do nothing and feel depressed because i am doing nothing and it is worse in summer because I feel more like I SHOULD be doing something. The best treatment for an episode of depression is to DO something - almost anything (except smoking or drinking!). Call someone, go for a walk. Go visit somebody = anything.

    If it helps (and if it doesn't I get to brag) - I quit smoking years ago. You DO miss it less over time. What I could never do is cut down - even thinking about quitting seriously tended to cause me to smoke a lot more. I am the kind that can do or not do - I can not seem to moderate. I am impressed that you can.

  6. The weather lately is enough to give anyone the Blahs and to quit smoking too? That in itself is something to be proud of doing at this time. Good for you.

  7. Well, I'm still working on taxes, Dave, but the urge to click on blogger just plain took over for a minute and here I am.
    Quitting smoking -- good for you! Listen, I smoked the same amt as you for 46 yrs and only quit 3 yrs ago. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do and my side effects were horrible (but I made it). I was SO ornery and nasty tempered that I actually loaded up on groceries and then locked my door and didn't go out of the house for a whole month. Didn't let anyone in, either. You know my friend, Lee? She'll vouch for all of this. She remembers me saying woe be to the human that knocks on my door or tries to get in, and I meant it. I couldn't sleep, I paced all the time, my mind was flying in all directions, and I was angry at everything in the world. Then the month finished and I opened the door. I was half-way nice, only half way. It took me about 7 months not to crave it so badly that I was ready to rob a 7-11 in the middle of the night. Now, here it is 3 yrs later, and I still have those moments of utter craving and "almost" give in, but I won't. It's like you said, one and you're done. Can't have any and that's the rule. Whew, I feel for you, REALLY feel for you, but it will be so worth it when you're finally make it around that bend. Only thing is, I still don't sleep, ugh. My hat's off to you and you're entitled to take a big bow for even tellin' about quitting. That's something in itself! You'll make it. I can tell :D