New Kid (yeah right!!!!) on the Blog

New Kid (yeah right!!!!) on the Blog

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Owen County Magicians Convention # 14

Well, it's getting to be "that time again". This will be the 14th year for our " Owen County Magicians Convention" down at the Crazyman's Lodge at my farm in Owen County. Last year we had about 18 attendees. Each year it seems to add new folks, who seem to keep coming back.
It now has gotten to the point that Musicians outnumber Magicians about 4:1. But, that's just fine, because they have a tendency to entertain themselves and everyone else.
I haven't really done any magic to speak about for about 6 months, but, I'll make an effort to put on a small show this year. Hopefully, I can get it videotaped and run a sample of it on here next week.
Trying to get crap packed...hell, I even have a checklist!
Weather forcast is possible rain showers and Temps up in mid 90's.
First job to do upon arriving after unlocking the joint is to start the campfire! Hell, I've seen some of the idiots ...err attendees... stand around the campfire drinking their beer in a cold rain! Not me....I guess I'm a candy ass....I hate cold!
I usually just totally "mellow out" by sitting in my rocking chair on the porch and "take in all of the bullshit". Not that I'd be hesitant to add to it!
I have two cases of beer left over from an event from a couple weeks ago. I'll put it out for the group. It should last a whole hour! Guess I'm just getting old.... (will turn 63 on Saturday).... but, my style of drinking is Pepsi or coffee.
Most of the guys bring tents, but, the Lodge will sleep 8, and the cabin down the road will sleep about 5 more if needed.
Enough of this for now....gotta get back to packing...and adding stuff to list.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

1. Money cannot buy happiness but...somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes Benz than it is on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble & he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Writer's Workshop

Sometimes I am somewhat squeamish about writing on here due to the fact that I am sometimes read by really good, or even professional writers.
So, I had to do a little research by studying how others communicate in print, and come up with a rulebook of sorts, which follows:

How to write goodly!!

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat).

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earthshaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

But, most importantly, never take credit for someone else's creative work! So, I won't!